My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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