why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I looked at my own cervix.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
