drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
