Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
There are leaves in my underwear?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
