another moral hangover. fuck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
