Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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