I cannot find my penis.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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