I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
