Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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