oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Never underestimate the power of titties
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
