It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
