You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
