why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i used baking grease as lip gloss
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
