If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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