Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
