I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
