i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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