You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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