So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
