It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Someone came in the potted fern
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
