Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your penis caused this!
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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