wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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