did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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