my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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