is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
