Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
