I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
