I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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