So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
