just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
