I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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