I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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