Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
3pm strippers are depressing
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
The power of my boobs compel you
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
