i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
