I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
