I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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