did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
