I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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