Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
