so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
