So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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