Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
