oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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