Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
it glows. i had to have it.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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