please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
