I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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