Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Can Purell be used as lube?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
