i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
