I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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