Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
