I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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