oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
