ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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