There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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