Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm too high and old for this...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
